I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize