Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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