If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
