On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
she looked like the before picture.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
