He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
