Midget sex pt 2 tonight
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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