Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
