Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
