It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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