It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
