3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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