I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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