I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
