i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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