Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
