Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
