Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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