Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
