So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
