you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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