I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
