Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
