I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
did i just pee glitter
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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