All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
