i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
