Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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