i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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