I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
