The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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