So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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