Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
