my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
