We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
