We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
