Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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