I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
