I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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