if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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