trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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