All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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