i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
