I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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