Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
