they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
