he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Randomize
