Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
