i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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