i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
im on a boat
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