My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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