I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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