What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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