Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
