Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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