you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
