I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
