if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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