he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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