South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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