Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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