Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
