If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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