No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
