felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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