just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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