I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
