we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
