just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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