Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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