My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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