i barfeds in our rink
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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