You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
