the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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