the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
