So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Also, beer. Big fan.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
