You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
