shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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