I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
