Everything about him screamed your future.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
