The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
