Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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